I wasn’t sure when I might tell this story or how to tell it, but it’s a perfect of example of God’s grace. It’s not pretty but true.
I worked in engineering and operations as a construction manager for one of the top 5 hospitals in the country. I had been there 8 years when a new assistant director was hired. He was a buddy our director knew from Boy Scouts. Our director was feeling a bit desperate after 2 years without an assistant even though we were functioning just fine. In all honesty, I knew from our first meeting that there was going to be trouble. Sometimes you just know. However, I loved my job, the guys I worked with and we figured we would just drive on. Well, that was wishful thinking and absolutely not the case!
Have you ever known a narcissist? I hadn’t until that new assistant director came along. From this point forward, I’ll refer to him as “Nemo” to protect his real identity. [Nemo is “the man” in Greek and “nobody” in Latin.] I wish he had been nobody to me but I wasn’t that lucky! He was “retired” from a state university after running a $100 million construction project $30 million over budget and a few other issues. In a short time, most of us saw that he actually didn’t know very much about construction. That’s NOT a good thing but somehow, Nemo was still extremely proud of himself and his work. I guess he was surprised and intimidated by me, an experienced construction manager with an excellent resume and total respect from my male coworkers. He only spoke of women as “secataries” – didn’t even care to say the word correctly. What?!?!? Yes, he was a male chauvinist to boot!
Part of my job in overseeing construction included preparing cost estimates and staying within budgets. I would have hell to pay if any one of my projects ended up 30% over. I managed a lot of capital projects where that absolutely could not happen. And if it ever had, I surely would never have used it as an example of what a good manager I was. That would be as asinine as taking credit for an entire project like Nemo did. I worked with a team of talented, conscientious, hard-working guys who worked WITH me to end up with projects or jobs well done. Because of the frustrating environment Nemo created, it got to the point that any of those guys who could retire early or transfer out of the construction division did just that.
Out of the gate, many of us saw him exactly for what he was. Nemo was the epitome of a chauvinistic narcissist. He had every characteristic: exaggerated sense of self-importance; requiring constant excessive admiration; expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it; and, exaggerating achievements and talent. Whether it’s a character flaw or disorder, all I knew was that he and I were like fire and gasoline. That’s a dangerous mix.
A few years later, I wished for a heavy bag for my birthday. I thought hitting that would help since I couldn’t punch Nemo. Mom even laughed and asked if I was going to tape his picture on it! Too funny!! I told her I didn’t need a picture; I could easily picture him while I hit the bag. It was pretty good therapy until the time I was too mad to take time putting on wraps or gloves. I was hitting the bag as hard as I could. It wasn’t long before I noticed a bunch of red dots and smears. I kept on and saw more and more without noticing my hands. I didn’t feel pain -adrenaline, I guess- but I had really torn up my fists.
The next morning at work was a little awkward. We had a staff meeting and I couldn’t hide my bandaged hands from a dozen people. Suffice is to say, most of them understood and a couple didn’t want to know. Shortly after that, I was appointed by hospital administration (way above Nemo’s position and totally beyond his control) to oversee correction of deficiencies noted in a CMS survey. If we did not make required mechanical, electrical and life safety corrections in the time allotted, the hospital would lose federal funding. That’s clearly critical and instead of being supportive of my role, he was downright spiteful – like cutting off your nose to spite your face! He didn’t just want me to fail; he tried to make it happen. I got through that challenge but not without tremendous pain. Besides the stress and because of it, I had very high blood pressure, tore up my shoulder and had to have surgery. Fortunately, I had a friend who was willing to give me rides to and from work when I couldn’t drive. I kept trying but depended more and more on alcohol to cope. Couldn’t hit the bag anymore! The narcissist beat me. It took years after that before I got my life back.
If you’ve read “The Bridge,” you now know the overwhelming source of my anger and how God saved me. If you haven’t read that page, the reason for telling this story is to understand the grace of God. When I finally put my trust and faith in Him again, He led me from misery to countless blessings.
“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” James 4:10