This One’s for Talia

The first and only journal entry I ever wrote says…

This journal is my Christmas gift from my precious daughter, Talia. I wished for this so I’d have a special place to keep those ‘little quotes’ and thoughts of Talia. She says and does the most adorable, funniest and amazing things…so intellectual and wonderfully creative! She is my love!! Today is June 1, 2003 and there are so many things I want to write and so many I should have already written. Just yesterday, we celebrated Talia’s 6th birthday (a little early) with her best friends – Ashley Villanova and her family, the Mancini’s (our best friends and Talia’s “big brother Nicholas,”) Isbah and her sister, Sierra and her mom and of course, Nana and Papa. Talia is growing up so fast and tomorrow is her last day of Kindergarten. This is such a busy time with lots of plans for our upcoming trip to Hawaii!!, Talia’s summer at the YMCA, and 1st grade just around the corner. Tonight at bedtime Talia and I talked about dreams, plans and “imaginary friends.” She’s a little scared of unfamiliar things and she asked if her imaginary friend would be with her when she goes to the YMCA Summer Camp. When I asked who her imaginary friend was, she said it was me, her mom inside her heart. She then added her daddy and most importantly, God. Oh, and we can’t forget Bella. Talia is truly a sweetheart full of thoughtfulness and consideration. Every day provides the most precious memories – the way she sings the blessing, how she loves to read and play with Bella, how she dresses up and how she shows her passion for horses. Hopefully, that will be her next birthday present! I intend and I will write about our most incredible vacation in Hawaii, but for now I want to note what Talia says when her daddy gets her a “world’s famous daddy malt.” If it’s exceptionally good, Talia says, “Blastin’ Donuts!”

I really regret not using my journal over the years as I intended to do. I did write letters occasionally, to ones I love, but I think I lost a great deal by not writing regularly. Maybe that’s an underlying reason why I’m trying this now.

I vividly remember the first time I was away from Talia. I had to catch an early morning flight from Fort Myers to Houston for work. I didn’t sleep the night before; I was watching Talia sleep in her crib and I couldn’t bear the thought of being so far away from her. I finally had to get myself ready to go and was listening to the radio when I heard that Frank Sinatra had just passed away. He was my all-time favorite singer! (I’ll be writing about that later.) Let’s just say it was not a good morning for me. I drove to the airport, parked and went to check in. Here’s the funny part. The guy at the counter said, “Okay, let me see a picture.” I pulled pictures of Talia out of my wallet and started showing him! I thought he could see how sad I was and wanted to see who I was missing!! Thankfully, he was really nice – not rude or trying to hurry me. He looked at her pictures and then he politely asked to see mine – my driver’s license. Too funny! After getting settled in Houston, I bought a card with a beautiful little fairy on it and wrote to Talia that night in my hotel room. Although Mom always told me I would “find out” one day when I had a child, there’s no way to comprehend that love and bond until it’s there.

Hard to believe but that was 22 years ago. We’ve had so many wonderful times, great memories and some that we’d rather forget. I’m just amazed at how beautiful one person can be through it all. Talia is incredibly smart, strong and absolutely beautiful inside and out!

Here are a couple of excerpts from Jimmie Allen’s song that I really love. The first time I heard the song, it was like someone read my mind. These lyrics are just like some of my thoughts about Talia! Not long after it came out, Talia and I were riding around and the song came on the radio. I told her I love this song because it’s about you! I tried singing along (and singing it to her,) but I got pretty choked up. That’s okay. She understands.

“Best Shot”

I’m just flesh and bone, heart and soul and I’ve earned a couple scars. I’ve let once in a lifetime kind of things slide right out of my arms. I’ve struck out, I’ve been knocked down, more times than I can count, but that don’t matter now…

‘Cause when you smile I see the sun sink down on a coast out in California. And there’s no doubt because of you, I’m not the man I was before you. I’m not saying that I’m perfect oh ’cause girl you know I’m not. But I’ll love you with everything I’ve got. Girl I’ll give you my best shot…

When I saw you for the first time I knew I’d found amazing grace. It’s like angels singing every time I hear your name. When you smile I see the sun sink down on a coast out in California. And there’s no doubt because of you, I’m better than I was before you. I’m not saying that I’m perfect oh, God knows I’m not. But I’ll love you with everything I’ve got. Girl I’ll give you my best shot…

Love always, Mama